i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
