Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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