The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
