I wish you could order shots online.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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