last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
