She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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