You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're breaking my sexual little heart
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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