I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
