i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
