I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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