I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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