Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am available for nakedness
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
