For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
