So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
