And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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