I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Less talking, more tequila
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
