We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
