My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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