Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
