go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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