After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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