i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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