I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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