I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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