i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
