M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
