yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
