He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At least life still wants to fuck me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
