its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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