I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize