Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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