apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
