Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize