im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
