we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize