Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize