I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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