I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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