Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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