You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
