do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
