this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
