i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
