I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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