Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
