I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
