i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize