I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
