yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
