ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
