I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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