The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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