did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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