Me. At least after what I've been through.
i wish my penis had a tongue
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
