Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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