my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
