I just made out with a guy for $7.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
