the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
