I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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