Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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