the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
