Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
