its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
