he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
