Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.

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(302): View more from Delaware

didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official

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(612): View more from Minnesota

ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT

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(703): View more from Virginia

He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started

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