Come see our sink grown plant.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
