this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
