I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
